Getting Calm at Riding and My PTSD is Getting Better

Griffin was lame for quite a while.  We have been back almost to normal for 2 weeks now.  Things are going well.  He is cantering better.  He has only bucked/crow hopped once lately.  On Sunday he cantered in such a relaxed fashion that he tripped.  Joanna said it was a slow western lope.  Pretty cool!  I even lost the left reign and nearly the right and got it back during the tripping.  I wasn't bothered by either.  Last Thursday he was quite spooky, jumping at every little thing.  I calmly rode it. Yesterday he jumped when a branch fell from the wind about 25 feet away while we were hand grazing.  That was a bit scary because it was new and possibly dangerous but I didn't really get tweaked.

I am getting quite relaxed and able to think pretty clearly during the excitement - even physically relaxed.  A couple weeks ago I let him canter up the hill and he went pretty fast.  The next time I did it we started out a ways with a trot and I asked for a canter then he galloped up the hill!  It was awesome!  Last night we were in the indoor arena because of rain and he was bored and trotting slowly.  I took him out into the windy/breezy outdoor arena and he trotted much better.  He was scared of the jumps and poles that were set up, the trees along the Coffin's side, and was trying to avoid the rain in the rut on the track.  I made him trot through the middle of everything.  I kept talking to him and he had his ears listening to me.  Pretty cool!

I realized recently that this is all very good for my PTSD.  I am able to think and be or become calm physically even when things scare me.  Then again, maybe I am just not getting scared because I have experienced plenty and have been fine.  I still have not gone off Griffin.  When he bucks I am able to stay on by putting my heels down and leaning back.  It is scary and I could go off but I haven't.  He rushes or only steps quickly for a few steps now instead of bolting but even then I can ride it!

Michael and I talked about the fact that it is almost like I need to have an adrenaline experience regularly to be calm.  If I don't I am more nervous or jumpy.  Michael said that the time when he zoomed around a car very fast on the Red-Fall Road and scared me I was much happier afterward.